Embarrassment is an interesting beast. We all feel it generally in response to what we perceive others think of us as it relates to sentiments of awkwardness, stupidity and/or shame. Embarrassment is isolating and egocentric. Isolating in that it keeps us from connecting with others -accepting and receiving acceptance. And egocentric in that I am the center of this universe and everyone else is judging how I look and act in an instance of embarrassment.
Last week I was the perceived source of these feelings of judgement in two different instances....
Take One: I walked into the bar area at a local restaurant to meet up with the physical therapists at the clinic I've been going to for the last 2.5 years. One of the gentlemen therapists states loudly, "Laura, I don't recognize you with your pants on!" AWK-WARD. For me? For him? I decided for him. I know what he meant was that I always come to physical therapy in work out clothes i.e. SHORTS. None of the therapists have seen me in "normal" clothes. But what makes this embarrassing is the equivocation of the phrase: "I don't recognize you with your pants on." -Yes generally referring to... well... you know what I mean. This foot-in-mouth experience lead to embarrassment for said gentlemen physical therapist.
Take Two: Siting in a local Pasadena coffee shop across for a very good looking man I decided to practice flirting. (What an embarrassing thing to admit!) While walking past I make eye contact. Flirting practice, success. Some time later, after I having returned to my seat across from Mr. Good-Lookin', he begins to pack up. I make eye contact again, success. Picking up the last few things -crash his cellular telephone drops and flies across the floor, then bending over to pick it up the chair is knocked over banging and clattering on the cement floor. EVERYONE looks. It was like one of those slow motion scenes in the movies when something terrible is happening. I see it all; the whole chain reaction of klutziness. He's thinking: AWESOME, this is why I'm single. EMBARRASSMENT.
Where does the embarrassment come from? Is it external, projected from other people or internal, my feelings regarding my actions, words or circumstance. Yes. Society seems to dictate what actions, words and circumstances constitute what is embarrassing or awkward. I.e. dropping a cell phone and knocking over a chair is an ungraceful action and you should feel shame that you would act in such a way. AND I believe I should be a person who only acts and speaks in ways that I think are "good" and "perfect". Hence embarrassment being internally produce by not meeting my own expectations. Haven't we each found ourselves in circumstances that are less than ideal? Haven't we all put our foot-in-mouth? Why do we expect ourselves and others to meet our ideals? Instead of feeling awkward and isolated, couldn't we choose grace and camaraderie? Instead of thinking you (and me) should feel embarrassed for not being what society (or myself) has deemed perfect can we accept ourselves and others in our places of imperfection?
So to say, "Do x, y, & z so you won't be embarrassed." In fact says, "I (and everyone else) will not love and accept you if you are not perfect." We turn the tables of onus of embarrassment. We claim it is internal when in actuality it is external. We create instances of embarrassment for ourselves and each other. The very thing we all want to avoid we impose on ourselves. The irony in this is that these embarrassing situations could potentially be avoided if we all mutually committed to not judging or imposing ideals of what does or doesn't constitute non-ideal words, actions and circumstances.
Embarrassment taken to the next level is shame and guilt in response to original sin -our inherent imperfection. God has offered his unconditional love and acceptance to us even in our places of sin. In our gross, ulgy ...morning breath and stinky pooh pooh places God knows and loves us. He says there is no need for embarrassment -guilt and shame- because love and acceptance has been offered.
God, allow us the grace to lean deeper into your love and acceptance. Receiving from you an identity of righteousness -being fully and completely accepted. Grant us strength and freedom through confidence in you to extend this acceptance and love to others, reflecting more perfecting your Image. -Cheers
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