March has made a grand entrance with beautiful weather! Spring has come and the sharp bite of cold winter air has left the smell of Jasmine in its place. With the coming of spring a sense of stillness has settled. Maybe it is the reminder of new life, maybe it is the beginning of Lent or for whatever reason I am compelled to remain still.
This feeling began upon return from a retreat for school followed by 2 days in bed as a result of being sick. In that time I vegged on "Grey's Anatomy" and contemplated the significance of my life. -What sort of life do I want to live and what sort of person do I need to be to live that life? Maybe the questions should be asked in the reverse order: What sort of person do I want to be and what life does that compel me to live? As I moved through crowded and noisy thoughts and feelings of the various demands of life a few things remained constant. Desires for peace, stillness, rest, thoughtfulness, presentness.... all moods that pave a path toward deep connection to God, oneself and others. All moods that seem to directly contradict the fast paced, crowded, technology filled, noisy Southern California I live in. Here is where the fight began.
How do I remain internally still while surrounded by external demand and chaos? I have learned from culture and society that the "high functioning" or "busy life" is a good life, but the life I desire is one of quiet and stillness. So my fight continues. Job-work, schoolwork, housework --where is there space for stillness?
I'm practicing deep breaths, walking at reasonable pace -one step at a time, quiet, bread making, minimal media, awareness of my body and soul. Directing my attention to the noise around me and allowing it to flow through me rather than get stuck inside of me. These are my weapons in the war. A war that is not easily fought -or won, except by intension and the grace of God.
So tonight, I will sit on my porch with a glass of wine and fresh baked bread, listen to the speeding cars pass by -bringing to the foreground of my mind the sweet smelling breeze, the soft chirp of crickets, the leaves rustling and remember that there can be stillness in the midst of chaos -And I will fight for it.
I wonder if you know of Kimberly George's blog? She's also one half of that 72-27 cross-generational blog I chatted with you about. It was occurring to me that your writings have some similarities. Just lately you've both been examining a similar idea: the idea of lingering or stillness. You might check out her recent post of that at
ReplyDeletekimberlybgeorge dot com/2011/02/an-ethics-of-lingering/